(![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
taylorgibbs Feb. 18th, 2009 07:02 pm)
taylorgibbs Feb. 18th, 2009 07:02 pm)Headers in earlier chapters.
*NOTE1* This story is being co-written in roleplay back and forth format, not written for regular fan fic format, so if it reads a little odd in places, the authors really don't mind and hope any readers they may have don't much either. Thanks!
*NOTE2* Just to give something to visualize, the character of Thomas Hilton resembles actor Jeremy Piven.
*NOTE3* For our roleplay-writing world, we're going with the character of Travis Hilton resembling actor Miguel Ferrer.
*NOTE2* Just to give something to visualize, the character of Thomas Hilton resembles actor Jeremy Piven.
*NOTE3* For our roleplay-writing world, we're going with the character of Travis Hilton resembling actor Miguel Ferrer.
Hours had passed in that den watching their lives pass in front of their eyes, it was morning already, and Tony was just about ready to give up his hold on his past, was nodding his head in agreement and stepping closer to Gibbs when a brand new face stormed into the room and savagely hit the first man he came to right in the kidney.
Tony went down hard, having been so consumed by Gibbs' seduction he hadn't seen it coming.
"Your turn now!" the man shouted at the remaining standing man. "You fuckin' clones are gonna pay for what you did to my brother!" Stepbrother. Travis Hilton didn't look anything like Thomas. Taller, broader, meaner. A lot meaner.
Gibbs reacted instinctively, slamming the man against the wall and holding him by the throat, using his body weight to pin the man in place. He might be older but he still had his old Marine instincts. "You okay, DiNozzo? Grab me some rope...and duct tape. Bring the bottle back too." Tony had held on to the lighter, Gibbs recalled.
Nobody was gonna hurt what was his and DiNozzo was his in all aspects. Gibbs smirked at the man. "First you're gonna apologize, then you're gonna give us some answers."
"Or we're gonna go Carrie all over ya!" Tony yelled as he limped out of the room to find what Gibbs wanted. The sucker punch had really gotten him good and he was holding one arm across his side.
"I will NEVER apologize to stinkin' clones," Travis spat as he fought as dirty as he could in trying to break free. He didn't just not resemble Thomas in a family way, he didn't dress like his brother either. Travis looked like he belonged in a seedy strip joint skirting the law. Thomas was very GQ.
Gibbs dug the thumb of his free hand into the asshole's shoulder and gripped hand, right where it met his neck. Gibbs knew that would be excruciating. He'd had it used on him a few times in the past. He could use someone to get out all that pent up aggression on. He drove his knee hard into the guy's stomach, hoping like hell Tony was okay.
"You're gonna apologize, Dirtbag. And then I'm gonna teach you a lesson in not manipulating people."
"You're not people," the man groaned through the pain. "You're not real, you're nothing, and Tommy was a fuckin' doe-eyed pussy ta try ta treat clones like they are and make'm happy with more clones."
"Can I hit'm, Boss?" Tony asked as he limped back into the room with the requested items. It was obvious he was in a lot of physical pain by the sheen of perspiration on his pale face, but as usual he was working right through it and wanted a little payback.
"My hand feel like nothing?" Gibbs asked, giving the man a challenging look. He grabbed the rope from Tony and tied their "Guest" securely, dousing his pants with the liquor. "You piss me off, I use the lighter and you go up like our own personal bonfire."
He turned to DiNozzo now, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Breathe...breathe...You need a doc, Tony?" He pulled the other man's head close and kissed his forehead, a protective gesture he didn't feel like working out just yet. "Hit him all ya want. I'll just sit back and enjoy the show."
"No doctor," Tony mumbled, letting his body lean into Gibbs for a moment as another wave of pain passed through his abdomen. "I'll be okay ... just as soon as I play Rocky with this asshole." Tony had taken boxing lessons in canon. He was going to put them to good use now.
"You wouldn't dare, either of you!" Travis hissed, though he did look decidedly uneasy at the spilled liquor on his pants. "I ain't just a human, I'm a Hilton! When Tommy recovers he'll have you both neutered if you dare touch me!" Not true. Thomas was a jerk too, a little weasel of a man who liked to play games when he was bored, but he was no monster. He'd sell his clones to the highest bidder before he'd cut them. He wasn't Travis.
It wasn't the threat that stopped Tony, it was what the man said about Thomas. "Recovers? Where is he? I want answers!" And then he punched Travis hard enough in the same spot to make him squeal in shock.
Gibbs reached into Tony's pocket, pulling the lighter out and flicking it so the flame glowed. "Answer the man. What happened to Pee Wee?" He brought the hand closer to the pants. "Answer. Now."
His hand went around Tony's shoulder, squeezing gently before he started to gentle rub the affected area. "You're human. You can burn just as good as we can." He leaned in even closer, whispering directly in Tony's ear. "He wouldn't hurt us, DiNozzo. He told me as much when we were riding home from that...place."
Tony's eyes flashed in relief to hear that. He'd blustered through it with Travis, but Gibbs knew him too well now. The threat of a neutering, after having seen it up close and personal the day before on his own younger body, had shaken Tony deeply inside again. He'd believed it until now. But if Gibbs said they were safe, he believed that instead now. Gibbs was his own personal bible of faith. Nodding to the man, when he leaned into him again during the rubbing, he pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Thanks," he whispered.
"Obviously I ain't gonna win that bet," Travis sneered, trying hard to ignore his wet crotch and that flame that was beginning to make him pop with nervous sweat. "But after what Tommy went through, I'd give'm two of my homes if it makes'm feel better." Travis looked away, and if there had been any doubt that his weak spot was his brother, it was clear now. "He's so crazy about you two he called me and begged me to help'm get those clones you wanted. Can only adopt two a month, so he needed me ..... and as idiotic as I think he is sometimes with his pets, he's my brother and I'd do anything for him."
Green eyes flashed again at Gibbs. Boss, and I'd do anything for you, they seemed to say.
Gibbs smiled slightly at the tenderness Tony was displaying. "You're okay," he whispered back.
"No, you're not gonna win the bet. We'd do it just to spite you," Gibbs replied, waving the flame closer and closer before turning it off and handing it to Tony. They were going to get young Tony and that made him relax a little. "What is wrong with your brother? You need to tell me now." He spoke in that silky tone, moving in so he was chest to nose with the guy before bending over and roaring right into his ear.
"TELL. ME. NOW!"
Travis growled after an automatic jump from that ear-blowing. "He don't wanna see ya, and there's nothing you can say that'll convince me ya give a flyin' fuck about'm other than as your meal ticket."
Tony thought hard again about that comment from Gibbs and shook his head. "You're wrong. We care. He's a little prick, but he's our little prick. If something happened, we wanna help." He arched a brow at Gibbs, hoping he wasn't stepping over the line by saying "we".
"Nothing you can do." Travis looked away again. "He screwed up big time. While I was at the pound tryin' ta find the two Harmons, he tracked down the dude who owns the Weatherly. Bastard didn't wanna sell. Tommy offered'm a million, and we may have money, but that ain't chump change, and still no sale." Travis actually closed his eyes to get out the rest. "So he offered his body, and Tommy don't ever offer like that for regular guys, only will for ... " Dark eyes flickered onto Gibbs before closing again. " And it was a price too high with what that fucker did ta him, too fuckin' high!"
"He's right. He's our Pee Wee. He's ours." Just like we're his, he thought, though he avoided saying it out loud. "Bring him here. We can take care of him here. At least he knows then that he's with...his people."
Gibbs felt the cut of guilt when he learned what had happened. And in that moment, he made a silent promise to pee Wee that some day he'd give him what he wanted. "What did the fucker do to him?" he asked, compassion in his voice now. "What can we do to help him? You tell us and bring us to him or him to us."
"Fuck you," Travis snarled. "He don't wanna see ya, he's a mess and he's got his pride. I've got MY people taking care of him, and I'm sure if I know the stupid dumbass he'll be over here just as soon as he can walk again."
"He can't walk?" Tony winced, his imagination running off on that in ways that made his ass cheeks clench together in sympathy.
"Bastard tore'm apart. Same thing I'd like ta do ta you two now!"
"But you won't," Gibbs added. "Because as it is you're lucky you're alive after trying to hurt my..." His what? was he really about to say "his boy"? Where did that possessiveness come from?
"I will hunt you down and tear you apart if you harm what is mine again," Gibbs growled, surprising himself again. "Now, I'm gonna let you go and you're gonna leave and you're gonna respect Pee Wee or you'll answer to me. Case you forgot, my life no longer exists so I don't have much to lose if I go down for killing you." Lies, all lies, but Gibbs was a master at the bluff.
He took the lighter back from Tony and flicked it on. "Untie him Tony. Our guest is leaving."
"Tommy may be all sappy over you two," the man grunted as Tony worked on those knots, "But I'm sure as hell not. You two stay outta my way, and you better hope to hell he don't get hurt again for you." Travis had been frightened under his bluster, but it didn't affect him sexually like it had with Thomas. He was still very pissed off and it made him reckless.
"Have a nice day, please don't come again." Tony's fist caught him in the other kidney just as he finished with the rope and stood again, immediately stepping beside Gibbs.
"Feeling's mutual," Gibbs shot back. "Now get the hell out." Gibbs nodded to Tony as he drove his fist into the man's kidney. Without waiting to see if he left, knowing that he would, Gibbs turned all his attention to DiNozzo. "You okay?" he asked, hand running along Tony's flank and to his back. he dropped to his knees, cursing the damn writers for giving him a sore knee, and pulled Tony's shirt away from his skin.
"Let me see," he ordered quietly.
"It's cool, Boss, really," he tried to protest, but he didn't take a single step away from the man. "Been hit worse." True, but this hit had caught him completely unawares. Bruising of the ugliest kind was already started, and he winced when it was touched. "What about you? I still say ya should take something ... or see a doctor." He looked seriously contrite. "I still can't believe you let me thrash you. You could put me down with your pinky and you just stood there taking it."
"Yeah, still looks ugly." Gibbs placed a gentle hand against Tony's side, stroking gently. "Gonna look pretty terrible for a few days, Tony." Gibbs stood now, standing close, bodies brushing together. "I let you because you needed to get that fury and helplessness out. What the leader has to do sometimes." He squeezed Tony's shoulder as the door closed and for the first time in a long time, walked over and locked it, deadbolt and all.
"Just need some sleep, Tony. "C'mon, let's go upstairs. Same bedroom or separate bedrooms, doesn't matter to me." It did. He wanted Tony close, but he wasn't sure how to ask. "King sized bed much more comfortable," he finally ventured, feeling a little awkward.
Tony glanced out the window. Daylight was fully upon them, and they definitely needed sleep, real sleep of a restful non-drugged kind. "Ahhhhh ..... can I ask you a question?" Talk about awkward. He couldn't believe what was on his mind, what he wanted to know about the other man before he went to bed.
"Anything," Gibbs said utterly serious. he couldn't promise that he'd answer it, but he'd give it a try.
"Where's the tequila when you need it," Tony mumbled, needing a drink more than ever right then. He swallowed hard and tried to put it into words, normally not a problem for an overly chatty man like DiNozzo. "So we accept that .... to not turn off viewers the writers wrote us as straight ... and now that we're on our own thanks to PeeWee, maybe .... maybe there's something there .... but what about what the writers didn't write? What about all the stuff in your past .... and in my past ... that no one saw?" He took a step back, then another, putting distance between them just in case. "Please don't hit me, Boss, but did you ever visit gayville just to try it?"
Tony sure hadn't, the thought had never even once seriously crossed his mind. But with everything he was seeing and hearing now, especially everything he was FEELING now, he couldn't help but wonder if he was a special first time case to Gibbs in that way, just as Gibbs was definitely a special first time case to Tony.
That there was more than just curiosity, there was hope in the question, hope for the answer that would warm him in that new fuzzy way he felt now near the man, Gibbs would probably hear and understand.
Gibbs followed Tony's retreat, grabbing his wrist. "When you're a new Marine, sometimes there's...boundaries crossed. Never had 'em crossed on me, never crossed 'em with anyone else. Tony would be the first. "Know about it, saw it go down a couple of times consensually. But I never...no. I'm not homophobic, Tony, but I never had any desire...before you."
He grasped Tony's wrist. "Don't think it's 'gayville', DiNozzo. Maybe best of all worlds instead. Doesn't mean we're giving up on women to give in to this. Can't deny it. I can smell the lust on you, Tony. And I know you can smell it on me."
Gibbs closed the rest of the distance between them. I'm gonna kiss you and you're gonna like it, he told DiNozzo with his eyes, even though he knew it wouldn't get any further. Not now. Maybe not ever, but definitely not now.
He moved the few inches that separated them, hand burying itself in Tony's hair and made a small sound of satisfaction as he settled against the other man, thigh between Tony's legs, one hand in DiNozzo's hair, he other gripping a bicep, his mouth pressing tenderly and romantically against Tony's.
"Kiss me back," he whispered.
"Yes sir," Tony groaned, opening his mouth far more easily this time than he had in front of Thomas. But there was no return gripping. It was as if Tony couldn't decide where to touch the man as they kissed. His hands went up, hovered over head, over shoulders, over back and then started lower, definitely changing his mind then and quickly going higher again as if he were afraid Gibbs could sense he'd almost grabbed his ass and would kick HIS for it. "Gibbs ..... please .... " he moaned, melting into him in all other ways. Please stop, please continue. Even as his tongue began a tentative stroking along the man's, his lips locking deeper and firmer in passion, Tony waged a war in himself, and until he could bring himself to actually touch the man as they kissed, it was a losing war.
He wasn't ready.
Gibbs could feel Tony's hesitation and gently, very slowly, he pulled back. "It's okay," he soothed, keeping his voice calm and quiet. "We have time...been through a lot today."
He released Tony, leading him upstairs. "But I want you to stay in my room..." Gibbs didn't want to be vulnerable and say he didn't want to be alone, but it was the truth. "I can sleep in the chair if you're uncomfortable. Just stay close..."
To hell with it. His vulnerability was out there anyway.
"I'll take the chair. It's your bed." And Shannon's too? Tony wasn't sure. Would wife 2, 3 or 4 have made Gibbs get a new bed, or was he still sleeping in the one of his first love? When they stepped into the room, Tony felt it was time to admit something else he'd seen in those shows, something he hadn't recognized at the time of "living" it, but he sure recognized now as it grew stronger and stronger in him, unleashed. "Ya know how you said you could see how you used to watch me ..... I used to watch you too .... and I've got this theory." Tony started to grin, warming up to it not because he liked the theory but because he had one, and that made him feel like an agent again, as if he were doing his job again. "Maybe it was us trying to break out from under their control, all those looks, all those headslaps. Maybe it was us .... trying to be real with each other even when we weren't."
"You think?" Gibbs asked without heat. It was an interesting theory and even if he didn't agree with it. "Makes sense I guess. You feel like we were trapped in there?" When he saw Tony relax, he muscled him onto the bed. "King size. We can sleep without touching." But hell, he wanted to touch. Gibbs went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of cotton knit pajama pants and a T-shirt. He wasn't going to sleep nude tonight, not with DiNozzo and his ever present hard-on nearby.
Instead of going into the bathroom he stripped where he was, going down to skin rather than keeping his boxers on.
When he was dressed, he gathered the covers that had never really been righted. "You getting comfortable, Tony? Or you sleeping fully clothed. Promise nothing will happen. You had a little nap but I've been up over twenty-four hours now and I'm dog tired.
"I think this is one night I can sleep in my clothes," he said, biting his lip nervously at watching, without trying to look like he was watching, the man change. Sneakers came off but everything else stayed on, even his socks and shirt as he sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, the far edge of the side he'd woken up in before as if knowing it had been designated his side now.
He also took in the room much more closely now. Thomas had told them that Tony's clothes were in the closet, they'd found his underwear in a dresser with Gibbs', and the bathroom was definitely holding his personal toiletries, his favorite designer shampoos, conditioners, body washes, deodorant, toothpaste and aftershave. But Thomas hadn't pointed out that the bedroom held his things too, out in the open, just small things that Tony was seeing now and making him very uncomfortable. Over in a corner was his stack of Playboys, right on top of Gibbs dresser was his cell phone, iPod and other gadgets McGee had taught him to use, items that Tony felt were invading the other man's territory, hadn't been invited to encroach upon, and any minute Gibbs was bound to notice, if he hadn't already, and come down on him for it.
Maybe he could distract him! "Yeah, trapped. You don't think so? You don't think we existed even a tiny bit before? The chemistry was all natural between the actors and nothing to do with us?" It was certainly as possible as his own theory, but Tony didn't like to see it that way at all. "What if they're straight?" Not having been online yet to check on Harmon and Weatherly, he had no information on their personal lives. "Why would they show, consciously or subconsciously, that level of connection between two men .... if it wasn't us doing it somehow?"
"Trapped. I dunno. Maybe the actors are dating. Maybe they're married to other people and are buddies. Maybe they enjoy getting a rise out of people. Maybe they're like us and they didn't know they were doing it. Don't know that it matters. They're not us...we're Gibbs and DiNozzo and we have a lifetime of memories. Maybe we were trapped there, inside the words..." Gibbs sighed heavily. "I just don't know, Tony. But what those guys are, they're probably Hollywood priss, not real men like us."
He swallowed hard. "And sometimes real men kiss and touch and even fuck each other. Doesn't change the fact that they're still real men, Tony." He assumed that was what Tony's biggest hangup was.
Gibbs eyes drifted over Tony's things, smiling briefly. At least the bedroom looked lived in now, in a way it hadn't with him alone.
Gibbs walked to the dresser, pulling out a pair of soft sweats that had to be Tony's. "You either put these on or I'm putting them on ya." Hell with what Tony wanted. Gibbs pushed him down with a hand to the chest, crouched down, and had the jeans unbuttoned and off before Tony could say a word. He yanked the sweats up to mid-thigh and then knelt there looking up at the other man. "I can continue pulling these up, if you can deal with my hand so close to that hard-on."
He breathed in the scent of Tony's musk and his cock throbbed urgently.
"I ... I can't deal with any of this!" the man screeched, completely unnerved that he scrambled over the other side of the bed, the sweats tangling his legs so that he fell off but was on his feet again in seconds. "I think me and my hard-on are sleeping in the spare room." Because if this keeps up, I'm gonna break down and suck yours dry.
He yanked up his sweats, accidentally catching the waistband on his aching balls and making him moan as he backed out of the room.
"Dammit, DiNozzo!" Gibbs closed his eyes against the flash of pain that Tony's leaving caused him. He sighed, getting up and grabbing his pillow. Kelly's room was still intact and he grabbed a blanket and went in there, imagining he could still feel his little girl's presence there. He curled up, fitting himself in the too short bed and closed his eyes, finally letting the despair and grief out in wracking sobs. He hadn't expressed this much emotion in years but this--all of it...
Losing his father when they were trying so hard....
Losing Abbs, Duck...even Tobias...
There weren't even graves for the family he knew any more.
And the way he'd run around trying to protect Tony from the truth, from himself. It was just all wearing on him and in the darkness of his mind, he gave in.
Wearing only those sweats now, Tony tossed and turned in the spare bedroom in trying to decide what to do. Bad ass Marines didn't want help. Leroy Jethro Gibbs didn't need help. Especially not fuckup goofball Tony's help. But then why did those cries reach down into his very heart and soul and drag him out of bed to the doorway? He was certain the man would reject him, would rather deal with his pain alone, unobserved, and could Tony blame him for that?
"Boss?" he whispered into the room, moving to kneel beside the small bed. "Gibbs?" he said a little louder in case those sobs blocked his quiet voice.
He felt the presence before he heard the voice but he couldn't stop the emotion pouring out of him in waves. "DiNozzo," he whispered, his voice ravaged by his emotions. He should have been mortified and ashamed of his loss of control but he was too weary to be. He was laid bare and if Tony couldn't handle it, Tony couldn't handle it. Gibbs couldn't protect him from the reality of their situation any more than he could protect himself.
At least Tony hadn't read lust into the expressions of the Gibbs on TV. He knew the man had been burning for DiNozzo, but did Tony?
Maybe subconsciously he had known back then, but it sure hadn't been read consciously and it sure hadn't been something he'd been capable of handling in that life either way. Seeing it that day on TV Gibbs in knowing what Thomas and others saw, however, made all the difference. Now he'd seen it much more clearly when he'd watched those tapes, now he couldn't deny it. There had been something, no doubt about it, and it appeared to him that the Gibbs of the TV had been trying his best to keep it under control. Had his boss been crushing on him?
Never having seen Gibbs so broken up, so completely lost, he reached over to bring him into his arms, wrapping himself fully around the exhausted man. "Jeth," he murmured. "I'm here, I'm here."
Gibbs hadn't felt like this in a long time, maybe not even since childhood. Definitely not since with Shan. He squeezed his eyes closed and let the emotion continue to pour out of him, shaking with the ferocity. For a man who had spent so many years denying and repressing, it was finally enough, he'd reached his limit. Yeah, he'd lost control before, in the dark of night, but he'd so rarely shared that with anyone.
He knew he should pull away, even as he sank deeper into the embrace. "Ah, DiNozzo," he whispered against the other man's chest.
"It's okay, it's gonna be okay," Tony said, though he didn't really believe it yet. "We're gonna be okay, we got each other so it's gonna be okay."
He settled them down on the floor with the blankets and pillow, facing each other but unable to see the tear-stricken face pressed against his bare chest. It wasn't really kisses he put in that gray hair under his chin, it was more silky word caresses in finding that he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. Tony continued to murmur to the man, and as his lips moved so softly so did his hands but firmer, rubbing back, shoulders and arms in a way meant to soothe and calm the ex-Marine, hopefully not arouse.
The adrenalin surge from earlier was gone and Tony was ready for sleep, but not until his friend did would he even consider leaving him and closing his eyes. He'd stay as long as it took.
This hadn't happened since he was a little boy and even though he knew he had to get it together soon, he relaxed into someone else's comfort. "Tony..." he whispered after less than five minutes, natural leader instincts taking control. "I'm okay now...Tony."
He let out a shuddery sigh, lifting his head, slightly ashamed now of his loss of control.
"Get back to bed, DiNozzo. It'll be okay." he patted Tony's back gently, telling him silently that he would be okay.
Those tear streaks couldn't be ignored now that he could fully see them. Nodding, Tony pressed thumbs gently down the line of both cheeks, wiping them away with a soft smile. "Walk you back to your room?" he offered. The thought of his friend and mentor sleeping on the floor of his child's room hurt in a way he never would have thought possible. It hurt much more than picturing him alone in his marriage bed.
Gibbs' stomach clenched and he shook his head. "Staying here tonight. Sometimes...I feel her presence. Nothing like a bond between daddy and little girl..." It was like losing them all over again and one choked sob slipped out before he clamped down on his emotions again. He covered Tony's hands with his own , thoroughly charmed by the way the other man was comforting him.
"Boss ..... I know I can't replace her, I'd never try ... but I've felt like Daddy's little boy for a long time around you, and you know I'd do anything for you ..... even watch all those shows again if you need to." Because Tony understood that without a gravesite to visit, Gibbs had nothing now but those tapes and this replica house. They were, besides his memory, his only link to the family he'd lost. Not surprisingly, Tony had no desire to link to his own family.
Gibbs ran a hand through Tony's hair and pulled his head close. "Just stay near, stay close, DiNozzo. Can't do this all on my own."
"As close as Tango and Cash, Ponch and Jon, Mulder and Scully .... Well maybe not Scully cuz she's a girl .... but she does have red hair," he chuckled, keeping his face right there so they were nose to nose, feeling more relaxed now with the man. "I know I said I'd do anything ... but hair dyeing I have to draw the line at."
Gibbs blinked, confused at Tony, but being confused was nothing new, not in this realm or his original one. He watched Tony carefully, wondering if he could push it. "Will go back to my bed. But only if I'm not alone..."
He wondered if Tony would give in. Gibbs knew he wouldn't sleep well if he was left to his thoughts and memories.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Now what do I do?!
He hated the thought of Gibbs sleeping in his dead daughter's bedroom, but he was sure he'd never get any sleep if he shared a bed with the man. And it wasn't just his homophobic fears that made him worry about that, it was his damn traitorous cock that was filling with lust even now!
"Okay .... but separate blankets."
The man honestly couldn't believe he said that.
Gibbs smiled faintly and nodded, standing and reaching his hand out to Tony. "Can do separate blankets. Not interested in anything but another presence to chase the pain away." Tony's chest was wet with his tears but Gibbs didn't dare touch it. "Come to bed, Tony, Nothin's gonna happen."
Trusting the man, Tony gave a brisk nod and took that hand to climb back to his feet. Wearing only those sweats, he felt very inadequately covered for what they were about to do, and as he moved rather stiffly with the man to that room, he was hyper-aware of the dampness upon him now in two places. He was leaking.
Gibbs tossed Tony a T-shirt when the entered the bedroom and stripped the blankets off the bed, handing the other man the comforter while he took the blanket he'd dragged into Kelly's room. Tony was reeking of lust and testosterone and Gibbs body started to stir but he ignored it. He leaned over, mussing Tony's hair. "Sleep, DiNozzo," he whispered before wrapping himself up in his blanket and stretching out on his stomach, adjusting his hard cock and stretching to crack his back before he snuggled down into his pillow.
"On it, Boss," Tony mumbled automatically and turned on his side away from the man after slipping into the t-shirt. That he tasted those tears first he would never admit, never.
He also couldn't stay on his side for long. It felt unnatural facing in that direction, though whether because it put more distance between them or because it left his backside vulnerable, he wasn't sure. He soon rolled onto his back, stretching an arm up above his head in frustration. His other hand went low, unable to ignore the sticky mess any longer and slipped as quietly as he could do it under the waistband of that soft cotton.
Closing his eyes he fought to see long hair and breasts, but the proximity, the scent, the body heat and sounds of the man next to him sabotaged every effort and he gave up that battle too, eventually letting his imagination take him away in picturing Gibbs instead. It definitely helped. Now he only had to be quiet about it. Very quiet in that sneaky self-pleasuring under the man's comforter, only a couple feet of space separating them on the king bed.
Gibbs coughed a couple of times to clear his sinuses. He was unused to crying and especially to being stuffed up. As he started to drift off, he felt Tony rustling then the sharp scent of pre-cum hit his nostrils. He lay perfectly can and still, listening to the rustle and feeling the minute changes in the bed as Tony moved. When Tony's breath hitched once, Gibbs knew what he was doing and his own tortured cock swelled even further. In this position it was trapped, sensitive underside against the mattress through his pajama pants and Gibbs clenched and released muscle groups, moving minutely, increasing the pleasure and pressure just enough.
But it wasn't enough, it couldn't be enough. The entire room smelled of Tony's arousal. Gibbs shifted slightly, moving his knee to the side so that he could reach down and play with himself. He moved his hand lower and waited a couple of minutes, listening to Tony;Tony's breathing before he started tracing his cock head, teasing himself.
For the moment, Gibbs was being stealthy enough so that Tony didn't hear him, too caught up in his own slow and careful touches. Because it was slow, because he was terrified of the other man finding out what he was doing in his bed, finding relief was a long way off and Tony knew what needed to be done. Thighs edged further apart, he flicked a glance at the figure next to him in the darkened room, and then he had a long thick index finger in his mouth, sucking it wetly so that it could be placed low and deep. Once he found the spot he couldn't hold back the low moan that brought with it more breath hitching and definitely more pre-cum. Now he'd soon find relief, and he readied himself to grab the comforter when necessary to keep from announcing it to the world when it came.
When Gibbs heard Tony's moan, his own breathing hitched. He'd heard Tony wetting his own hand, had figured what he was going to do. As much as he wanted to pin the other man down and take what they both needed, he was very aware of the way Tony would react and dammit he wanted it to be good for Tony. He gripped himself harder, stroking slowly. He'd lift his head and watch Tony climax and then he'd get off himself. But only when he was sure Tony was there.
That time Tony heard the man, and in a split second he deduced that Gibbs was doing the same thing, or almost the same thing. There were some things that even a sex-obsessed DiNozzo couldn't picture Gibbs doing. "You really don't think we're sick? You really think ..... this is natural?" he asked, his near tremulous voice sounding foreign even to him as he turned his face fully to look at the other man.
Tony didn't stop moving those hands. In fact, his knees lifted to bend as they had when he'd been drugged. Lifted and spread wider.
Gibbs stopped stroking then, giving himself a squeeze to settle himself down. He rolled onto his side, skinning his pants down "It's natural, Tony. Purely het guys do this all the time." Well, maybe not the way Tony was fucking his fingers into his ass, but the whole masturbation thing, yeah.
"Do whatever feels good. Bet that does." Bet my cock would feel even better. Gibbs took his own advice, fist twisting from base to head, his pre-cum lubricating the way. He wasn't a talker out of bed but he could be in bed. "Don't stop...Give in to it, Tony. Feels good, doesn't it."
Gibbs licked his lips, looking down at what Tony was doing. His mouth ached to suck Tony down, his cock burned with the need to be buried inside him. And it was only his self control that kept him from pouncing on Tony. DiNozzo was skittish enough. But Gibbs wanted him so damn bad.
"Feels a helluva lot better than doing it alone, yeah," he admitted, his breath coming in irregular little gasps now under the man's watchful gaze. "You said you'd seen ... in the Marines ...... So the het guys there what? Just stood around in a circle making bets who'd blow first on a typical Saturday night in the barracks?"
Tony was definitely a talker. Plus, it helped him to keep his eyes high, on Gibbs' shadowed face rather than sinking low and trapping him where he knew they really wanted to be on the man.
"Sometimes." Gibbs said. "Sometimes in the showers a couple guys would jack each other or themselves and others would watch and it'd just grow from there. Sometimes you'd hear two guys getting real close...fucking. Can't explain why it worked, Tony...but it did." He trailed a thumb over Tony's cheek, his other hand continuing to work on his swollen flesh. "It's okay to look. Or touch...or even lick and suck...and swallow. Flexible guy like you, bet you tried sucking yourself off."
Gibbs lowered his voice. "I was sixteen. I did. and I swallowed. Last time I wanted to taste." He left the 'before now' off for now.
There was a shiver, not from revulsion at the childhood memory but from that thumb on his cheek. "I didn't swallow." Tony whimpered, inching his body closer to Gibbs'. "Straight guys jacking each other ..... " He tried to wrap his head around it but kept coming up short. Looking? Maybe. But touching? Nuh uh. "Gibbs? Do your nipples ever ache so bad you just wanna beg the girl you're slamming to twist them right off?"
They were rock hard, his chest heaving with exertion now as climax approached.
"Acquired taste," Gibbs whispered, admitting that he had. "Yeah, sometimes..." He groaned low. "You want me to do that for ya, Tony? Cause I will, but you gotta ask." He shifted, thrusting into his hand a little. "Anything you need, I'll do..."
Tony closed his eyes. As much as he wanted to ask for the man's touch, he couldn't, at least not yet. It crossed a line in his mind, one that he knew if he crossed, there would be no going back. Anthony DiNozzo would set up house in Gayville with that asking, losing his old identity he'd worked so hard to create and was all that was left of his old life now. He wasn't ready for another change. He'd barely gotten through the first one.
When he opened his eyes, he looked right into the other man's and asked something that had been on his mind since watching those tapes. "You wanted honesty from me earlier, and I gave it, Boss. Will ya give me honesty now? I wanna know .... back then .... in our .... show ..... despite all the ladies in and out of our lives, did you ... did you want me? And if you did, Jesus Christ were you ever gonna say anything or just stalk me with your eyes the rest of our lives?"
Gibbs silently begged Tony to break but he wouldn't touch unless invited, despite what they were doing, how close they were becoming.
Then Tony locked eyes with him and asked the question and Gibbs began speaking. "I did this every opportunity I could, picturing you," he said in a raspy, needy tone. "And me. Us. almost said something right after you saved Maddie and me. Went to your house. Thought you might...reject me."
He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. "Couldn't lose you in my life, even if it meant I had to wait, or never have at all."
His eyes drifted down Tony's body and he licked his lips before looking back up and staring into DiNozzo's gaze. When the next words came, he couldn't stop the flood. "Not only want. Need."
He'd been wanted by the man. He'd been needed by the man. Gibbs had almost told him, and what would Tony have done if he had back then? Having never considered that sort of lifestyle, he honestly didn't know. But now, things were different. Despite feeling like an animal in a zoo, he felt more free than he'd ever felt in his life. His thoughts, his actions, his desires and dreams were entirely his own, and it almost made him giddy to understand that now.
With that giddiness came relief and joy Gibbs had wanted him! Gibbs had needed him! All those redheads and he'd been silently chasing an oblivious Tony!
The man grinned, bucked as climax hit him, and grabbed hold of his superior, pressing their bodies together in the throes of that physical and mental relief his badly-battered ego had so needed to hear. He even kissed him.
Gibbs immediately wrapped his hands around both of their cocks, grinding against Tony, using Tony's cum to lubricate them both. And when Tony sealed his mouth to Gibbs', he tensed a minute, hovering on the edge before he exploded, growling out his need into the mouth that was eagerly fucking his, dragging the tongue tangling with his into his mouth. Gibbs rocked his hips over Tony's body, dragging their balls together, still hard cocks rubbing against the other. They were soaked in cum but it felt so damn right and Gibbs slid off Tony to clean him in long sweeps of his mouth, tasting their combined flavors.
It should have been impossible for a man his age, but he was still rock hard, still aching. Tasting Tony was an exercise in self control, it was as if Gibbs hadn't jacked off in months. With one final lick of Tony's reddened cock head, Gibbs moved upward again, touching Tony's nose with his.
"Amazing," he whispered to the other man.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Tony panted under him, wide-eyed with shock. Blowing with the man had been amazing, but when Gibbs had cleaned him, that long wide tongue lapping over his very sensitive flesh, Tony had almost blown again. No girl had made his dick stay so hard after being drained. No girl had used her mouth on him with such fervor, and dare he think it .... sincerity in wanting to do such a thing?
This was the part where he was supposed to roll over and sleep, only holding the girl if she really acted like she needed it. Was he supposed to hold Gibbs now? Was Gibbs supposed to hold him now?
The pressure of not knowing what to do now made Tony blink, his heart speeding up again despite the last of those orgasmic tremors disappearing. "I .... I gotta piss," he lied.
"No, ya gotta clean off," Gibbs shot back. He stood, dragging a mellow Tony to the bathroom and ran some warm water in the sink. He took a soft facecloth and moistened it, cleaning the dregs of their combined semen off Tony's body and then his own, taking special care to wash the hand of Tony's that had been doing the deep stimulation. When he was done, Gibbs dried them both gently, patting the moisture away rather than running the risk of gearing then up more than they already were. They were both still damn hard, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. Except sink to his knees and suck Tony off. God, the images of that hardened him even further, one drop of pre-cum seeping out. Milking that off...feeding it to Tony...
He wanted Tony to taste him almost as much as he hungered to swallow Tony's load.
"Since you don't have the balls to ask, here's what happens next. We go to bed.Lie there however we're comfortable. And we sleep. No strings, no expectations. Gonna sleep on my stomach. You wanna sleep close, you can, but not expecting or demanding."
"You don't think I have balls?" That brought Tony out of his post-orgasm stupor. "Yeah, I'm gonna sleep, Gibbs. I'm gonna sleep like a baby now. Thanks." He wasn't sure why he added the thanks at the end. Was it sarcastic? Perhaps somewhat. Was it also sincere in gratitude for what they'd shared? Definitely.
But gratitude or not, he had his balls and he was showing them as he stomped out of the bathroom and right out of the bedroom. He'd sleep like a baby in the spare room. At least he could hope he would.
So he'd been used. Figured. "Welcome," he called back in that bitterly sarcastic voice that seemed to be his only friend when they used him and left him. He made a point of slamming his door shut as he stormed back into Kelly's room, dragging blanket and pillow with him. He'd stay in the room of the one person who had never used him, who had loved him as "Daddy".
'Love you, Kel," he whispered, fitting himself back into the twin bed. "You and your mom are the only ones..." A rush of guilt hit him at what he'd done. Didn't matter that they didn't exist. They were in his heart and his mind and he had to remain loyal to their memories. "Won't happen again," he silently vowed. He wasn't gonna be DiNozzo's fool again.
And Tony was convinced he didn't need someone in order to sleep. He was convinced he had the balls necessary to sleep alone no matter how much he wanted to be with Gibbs. He was convinced he had to prove that to the man, that it was some sort of test now, that if he didn't, he'd be seen as weak, incompetent, and definitely not a man. Making Gibbs proud of him, feeling worthy of Gibbs, was far more important than his own need to be held in those strong arms for the night. He had to prove it to himself and he had to prove it to Gibbs that he could do it. That he was strong. That even as a clone he still had balls.
He had no idea that the Marine had taken it very differently.
When the dreams started this time, they were much more hazy, less specific. Images of his past, women he'd loved, women he'd hated, men he'd loved, men he'd hated. Assignments ran together, one minute he was an agent on a case, the next minute he was a boy hiding from an alcoholic father and overbearing mother. Gibbs kept popping up in the dream. Watching Gibbs, talking to Gibbs, riding with Gibbs and being slapped by Gibbs. It was the last face in the dream that woke him, though. That face would probably haunt him for years now.
Tony DiNozzo was the one strapped in a chair about to have his nuts snipped, and the muzzle on his face kept him from screaming the one word he needed to scream, he had to scream, or in seconds he would have nothing left, he would no longer be Tony DiNozzo.
"BOSS!" Upright in bed, nude body covered in sweat, eyes open but unseeing he shrieked again. "BOOOOOOSS!"
Fuck! Gibbs reached for his gun only to realize he didn't have it, but moved rapidly toward DiNozzo's voice anyway. He threw the door open, barely holding back the urge to announce himself as a federal officer but then breathed a sigh of relief. DiNozzo seemed okay.
"TONY!" he called out, trying to inject calmness into his voice. "Hey, DiNozzo. Wake up. You're okay. It's just Gibbs here and you're safe with me."
"DAD!" Tony, still unseeing but definitely hearing that voice, leapt from the bed and fell into Gibbs. "I don't wanna sleep alone! I can't do it, Boss! He's gonna take my nuts too! I'm sorry I'm a failure! I can't be strong like you! I'm not like you! I can't pass this test, Boss! I can't do it cuz I don't wanna sleep alone even if it makes me a baby now in your eyes!"
Gibbs held Tony in a solid bear hug and dragged him back to the bedroom, settling him under the cover. "Not a failure. Never a failure. Proud of you, Tony. It's okay...you're okay."
Gibbs kissed the top of Tony's head, every protective instinct rearing up inside him. "Sleep here in my arms. Nothing's gonna happen. Nobody's gonna hurt my boy."
My boy.
Those were the last two words the terrified man heard before he fell back to sleep again. This time he stayed there, clutching to the solid body around him and finding what he needed on a Harmon thumb for further soothing. Occasionally he'd grunt softly in that suckling as tears crept out of closed eyes upon the man's chest, but for the most part Tony slept soundly, the nightmares kept at bay ..... for now.
(TBC)
*NOTE1* This story is being co-written in roleplay back and forth format, not written for regular fan fic format, so if it reads a little odd in places, the authors really don't mind and hope any readers they may have don't much either. Thanks!
*NOTE2* Just to give something to visualize, the character of Thomas Hilton resembles actor Jeremy Piven.
*NOTE3* For our roleplay-writing world, we're going with the character of Travis Hilton resembling actor Miguel Ferrer.
*NOTE2* Just to give something to visualize, the character of Thomas Hilton resembles actor Jeremy Piven.
*NOTE3* For our roleplay-writing world, we're going with the character of Travis Hilton resembling actor Miguel Ferrer.
Hours had passed in that den watching their lives pass in front of their eyes, it was morning already, and Tony was just about ready to give up his hold on his past, was nodding his head in agreement and stepping closer to Gibbs when a brand new face stormed into the room and savagely hit the first man he came to right in the kidney.
Tony went down hard, having been so consumed by Gibbs' seduction he hadn't seen it coming.
"Your turn now!" the man shouted at the remaining standing man. "You fuckin' clones are gonna pay for what you did to my brother!" Stepbrother. Travis Hilton didn't look anything like Thomas. Taller, broader, meaner. A lot meaner.
Gibbs reacted instinctively, slamming the man against the wall and holding him by the throat, using his body weight to pin the man in place. He might be older but he still had his old Marine instincts. "You okay, DiNozzo? Grab me some rope...and duct tape. Bring the bottle back too." Tony had held on to the lighter, Gibbs recalled.
Nobody was gonna hurt what was his and DiNozzo was his in all aspects. Gibbs smirked at the man. "First you're gonna apologize, then you're gonna give us some answers."
"Or we're gonna go Carrie all over ya!" Tony yelled as he limped out of the room to find what Gibbs wanted. The sucker punch had really gotten him good and he was holding one arm across his side.
"I will NEVER apologize to stinkin' clones," Travis spat as he fought as dirty as he could in trying to break free. He didn't just not resemble Thomas in a family way, he didn't dress like his brother either. Travis looked like he belonged in a seedy strip joint skirting the law. Thomas was very GQ.
Gibbs dug the thumb of his free hand into the asshole's shoulder and gripped hand, right where it met his neck. Gibbs knew that would be excruciating. He'd had it used on him a few times in the past. He could use someone to get out all that pent up aggression on. He drove his knee hard into the guy's stomach, hoping like hell Tony was okay.
"You're gonna apologize, Dirtbag. And then I'm gonna teach you a lesson in not manipulating people."
"You're not people," the man groaned through the pain. "You're not real, you're nothing, and Tommy was a fuckin' doe-eyed pussy ta try ta treat clones like they are and make'm happy with more clones."
"Can I hit'm, Boss?" Tony asked as he limped back into the room with the requested items. It was obvious he was in a lot of physical pain by the sheen of perspiration on his pale face, but as usual he was working right through it and wanted a little payback.
"My hand feel like nothing?" Gibbs asked, giving the man a challenging look. He grabbed the rope from Tony and tied their "Guest" securely, dousing his pants with the liquor. "You piss me off, I use the lighter and you go up like our own personal bonfire."
He turned to DiNozzo now, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Breathe...breathe...You need a doc, Tony?" He pulled the other man's head close and kissed his forehead, a protective gesture he didn't feel like working out just yet. "Hit him all ya want. I'll just sit back and enjoy the show."
"No doctor," Tony mumbled, letting his body lean into Gibbs for a moment as another wave of pain passed through his abdomen. "I'll be okay ... just as soon as I play Rocky with this asshole." Tony had taken boxing lessons in canon. He was going to put them to good use now.
"You wouldn't dare, either of you!" Travis hissed, though he did look decidedly uneasy at the spilled liquor on his pants. "I ain't just a human, I'm a Hilton! When Tommy recovers he'll have you both neutered if you dare touch me!" Not true. Thomas was a jerk too, a little weasel of a man who liked to play games when he was bored, but he was no monster. He'd sell his clones to the highest bidder before he'd cut them. He wasn't Travis.
It wasn't the threat that stopped Tony, it was what the man said about Thomas. "Recovers? Where is he? I want answers!" And then he punched Travis hard enough in the same spot to make him squeal in shock.
Gibbs reached into Tony's pocket, pulling the lighter out and flicking it so the flame glowed. "Answer the man. What happened to Pee Wee?" He brought the hand closer to the pants. "Answer. Now."
His hand went around Tony's shoulder, squeezing gently before he started to gentle rub the affected area. "You're human. You can burn just as good as we can." He leaned in even closer, whispering directly in Tony's ear. "He wouldn't hurt us, DiNozzo. He told me as much when we were riding home from that...place."
Tony's eyes flashed in relief to hear that. He'd blustered through it with Travis, but Gibbs knew him too well now. The threat of a neutering, after having seen it up close and personal the day before on his own younger body, had shaken Tony deeply inside again. He'd believed it until now. But if Gibbs said they were safe, he believed that instead now. Gibbs was his own personal bible of faith. Nodding to the man, when he leaned into him again during the rubbing, he pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "Thanks," he whispered.
"Obviously I ain't gonna win that bet," Travis sneered, trying hard to ignore his wet crotch and that flame that was beginning to make him pop with nervous sweat. "But after what Tommy went through, I'd give'm two of my homes if it makes'm feel better." Travis looked away, and if there had been any doubt that his weak spot was his brother, it was clear now. "He's so crazy about you two he called me and begged me to help'm get those clones you wanted. Can only adopt two a month, so he needed me ..... and as idiotic as I think he is sometimes with his pets, he's my brother and I'd do anything for him."
Green eyes flashed again at Gibbs. Boss, and I'd do anything for you, they seemed to say.
Gibbs smiled slightly at the tenderness Tony was displaying. "You're okay," he whispered back.
"No, you're not gonna win the bet. We'd do it just to spite you," Gibbs replied, waving the flame closer and closer before turning it off and handing it to Tony. They were going to get young Tony and that made him relax a little. "What is wrong with your brother? You need to tell me now." He spoke in that silky tone, moving in so he was chest to nose with the guy before bending over and roaring right into his ear.
"TELL. ME. NOW!"
Travis growled after an automatic jump from that ear-blowing. "He don't wanna see ya, and there's nothing you can say that'll convince me ya give a flyin' fuck about'm other than as your meal ticket."
Tony thought hard again about that comment from Gibbs and shook his head. "You're wrong. We care. He's a little prick, but he's our little prick. If something happened, we wanna help." He arched a brow at Gibbs, hoping he wasn't stepping over the line by saying "we".
"Nothing you can do." Travis looked away again. "He screwed up big time. While I was at the pound tryin' ta find the two Harmons, he tracked down the dude who owns the Weatherly. Bastard didn't wanna sell. Tommy offered'm a million, and we may have money, but that ain't chump change, and still no sale." Travis actually closed his eyes to get out the rest. "So he offered his body, and Tommy don't ever offer like that for regular guys, only will for ... " Dark eyes flickered onto Gibbs before closing again. " And it was a price too high with what that fucker did ta him, too fuckin' high!"
"He's right. He's our Pee Wee. He's ours." Just like we're his, he thought, though he avoided saying it out loud. "Bring him here. We can take care of him here. At least he knows then that he's with...his people."
Gibbs felt the cut of guilt when he learned what had happened. And in that moment, he made a silent promise to pee Wee that some day he'd give him what he wanted. "What did the fucker do to him?" he asked, compassion in his voice now. "What can we do to help him? You tell us and bring us to him or him to us."
"Fuck you," Travis snarled. "He don't wanna see ya, he's a mess and he's got his pride. I've got MY people taking care of him, and I'm sure if I know the stupid dumbass he'll be over here just as soon as he can walk again."
"He can't walk?" Tony winced, his imagination running off on that in ways that made his ass cheeks clench together in sympathy.
"Bastard tore'm apart. Same thing I'd like ta do ta you two now!"
"But you won't," Gibbs added. "Because as it is you're lucky you're alive after trying to hurt my..." His what? was he really about to say "his boy"? Where did that possessiveness come from?
"I will hunt you down and tear you apart if you harm what is mine again," Gibbs growled, surprising himself again. "Now, I'm gonna let you go and you're gonna leave and you're gonna respect Pee Wee or you'll answer to me. Case you forgot, my life no longer exists so I don't have much to lose if I go down for killing you." Lies, all lies, but Gibbs was a master at the bluff.
He took the lighter back from Tony and flicked it on. "Untie him Tony. Our guest is leaving."
"Tommy may be all sappy over you two," the man grunted as Tony worked on those knots, "But I'm sure as hell not. You two stay outta my way, and you better hope to hell he don't get hurt again for you." Travis had been frightened under his bluster, but it didn't affect him sexually like it had with Thomas. He was still very pissed off and it made him reckless.
"Have a nice day, please don't come again." Tony's fist caught him in the other kidney just as he finished with the rope and stood again, immediately stepping beside Gibbs.
"Feeling's mutual," Gibbs shot back. "Now get the hell out." Gibbs nodded to Tony as he drove his fist into the man's kidney. Without waiting to see if he left, knowing that he would, Gibbs turned all his attention to DiNozzo. "You okay?" he asked, hand running along Tony's flank and to his back. he dropped to his knees, cursing the damn writers for giving him a sore knee, and pulled Tony's shirt away from his skin.
"Let me see," he ordered quietly.
"It's cool, Boss, really," he tried to protest, but he didn't take a single step away from the man. "Been hit worse." True, but this hit had caught him completely unawares. Bruising of the ugliest kind was already started, and he winced when it was touched. "What about you? I still say ya should take something ... or see a doctor." He looked seriously contrite. "I still can't believe you let me thrash you. You could put me down with your pinky and you just stood there taking it."
"Yeah, still looks ugly." Gibbs placed a gentle hand against Tony's side, stroking gently. "Gonna look pretty terrible for a few days, Tony." Gibbs stood now, standing close, bodies brushing together. "I let you because you needed to get that fury and helplessness out. What the leader has to do sometimes." He squeezed Tony's shoulder as the door closed and for the first time in a long time, walked over and locked it, deadbolt and all.
"Just need some sleep, Tony. "C'mon, let's go upstairs. Same bedroom or separate bedrooms, doesn't matter to me." It did. He wanted Tony close, but he wasn't sure how to ask. "King sized bed much more comfortable," he finally ventured, feeling a little awkward.
Tony glanced out the window. Daylight was fully upon them, and they definitely needed sleep, real sleep of a restful non-drugged kind. "Ahhhhh ..... can I ask you a question?" Talk about awkward. He couldn't believe what was on his mind, what he wanted to know about the other man before he went to bed.
"Anything," Gibbs said utterly serious. he couldn't promise that he'd answer it, but he'd give it a try.
"Where's the tequila when you need it," Tony mumbled, needing a drink more than ever right then. He swallowed hard and tried to put it into words, normally not a problem for an overly chatty man like DiNozzo. "So we accept that .... to not turn off viewers the writers wrote us as straight ... and now that we're on our own thanks to PeeWee, maybe .... maybe there's something there .... but what about what the writers didn't write? What about all the stuff in your past .... and in my past ... that no one saw?" He took a step back, then another, putting distance between them just in case. "Please don't hit me, Boss, but did you ever visit gayville just to try it?"
Tony sure hadn't, the thought had never even once seriously crossed his mind. But with everything he was seeing and hearing now, especially everything he was FEELING now, he couldn't help but wonder if he was a special first time case to Gibbs in that way, just as Gibbs was definitely a special first time case to Tony.
That there was more than just curiosity, there was hope in the question, hope for the answer that would warm him in that new fuzzy way he felt now near the man, Gibbs would probably hear and understand.
Gibbs followed Tony's retreat, grabbing his wrist. "When you're a new Marine, sometimes there's...boundaries crossed. Never had 'em crossed on me, never crossed 'em with anyone else. Tony would be the first. "Know about it, saw it go down a couple of times consensually. But I never...no. I'm not homophobic, Tony, but I never had any desire...before you."
He grasped Tony's wrist. "Don't think it's 'gayville', DiNozzo. Maybe best of all worlds instead. Doesn't mean we're giving up on women to give in to this. Can't deny it. I can smell the lust on you, Tony. And I know you can smell it on me."
Gibbs closed the rest of the distance between them. I'm gonna kiss you and you're gonna like it, he told DiNozzo with his eyes, even though he knew it wouldn't get any further. Not now. Maybe not ever, but definitely not now.
He moved the few inches that separated them, hand burying itself in Tony's hair and made a small sound of satisfaction as he settled against the other man, thigh between Tony's legs, one hand in DiNozzo's hair, he other gripping a bicep, his mouth pressing tenderly and romantically against Tony's.
"Kiss me back," he whispered.
"Yes sir," Tony groaned, opening his mouth far more easily this time than he had in front of Thomas. But there was no return gripping. It was as if Tony couldn't decide where to touch the man as they kissed. His hands went up, hovered over head, over shoulders, over back and then started lower, definitely changing his mind then and quickly going higher again as if he were afraid Gibbs could sense he'd almost grabbed his ass and would kick HIS for it. "Gibbs ..... please .... " he moaned, melting into him in all other ways. Please stop, please continue. Even as his tongue began a tentative stroking along the man's, his lips locking deeper and firmer in passion, Tony waged a war in himself, and until he could bring himself to actually touch the man as they kissed, it was a losing war.
He wasn't ready.
Gibbs could feel Tony's hesitation and gently, very slowly, he pulled back. "It's okay," he soothed, keeping his voice calm and quiet. "We have time...been through a lot today."
He released Tony, leading him upstairs. "But I want you to stay in my room..." Gibbs didn't want to be vulnerable and say he didn't want to be alone, but it was the truth. "I can sleep in the chair if you're uncomfortable. Just stay close..."
To hell with it. His vulnerability was out there anyway.
"I'll take the chair. It's your bed." And Shannon's too? Tony wasn't sure. Would wife 2, 3 or 4 have made Gibbs get a new bed, or was he still sleeping in the one of his first love? When they stepped into the room, Tony felt it was time to admit something else he'd seen in those shows, something he hadn't recognized at the time of "living" it, but he sure recognized now as it grew stronger and stronger in him, unleashed. "Ya know how you said you could see how you used to watch me ..... I used to watch you too .... and I've got this theory." Tony started to grin, warming up to it not because he liked the theory but because he had one, and that made him feel like an agent again, as if he were doing his job again. "Maybe it was us trying to break out from under their control, all those looks, all those headslaps. Maybe it was us .... trying to be real with each other even when we weren't."
"You think?" Gibbs asked without heat. It was an interesting theory and even if he didn't agree with it. "Makes sense I guess. You feel like we were trapped in there?" When he saw Tony relax, he muscled him onto the bed. "King size. We can sleep without touching." But hell, he wanted to touch. Gibbs went to the dresser and pulled out a pair of cotton knit pajama pants and a T-shirt. He wasn't going to sleep nude tonight, not with DiNozzo and his ever present hard-on nearby.
Instead of going into the bathroom he stripped where he was, going down to skin rather than keeping his boxers on.
When he was dressed, he gathered the covers that had never really been righted. "You getting comfortable, Tony? Or you sleeping fully clothed. Promise nothing will happen. You had a little nap but I've been up over twenty-four hours now and I'm dog tired.
"I think this is one night I can sleep in my clothes," he said, biting his lip nervously at watching, without trying to look like he was watching, the man change. Sneakers came off but everything else stayed on, even his socks and shirt as he sat stiffly on the edge of the bed, the far edge of the side he'd woken up in before as if knowing it had been designated his side now.
He also took in the room much more closely now. Thomas had told them that Tony's clothes were in the closet, they'd found his underwear in a dresser with Gibbs', and the bathroom was definitely holding his personal toiletries, his favorite designer shampoos, conditioners, body washes, deodorant, toothpaste and aftershave. But Thomas hadn't pointed out that the bedroom held his things too, out in the open, just small things that Tony was seeing now and making him very uncomfortable. Over in a corner was his stack of Playboys, right on top of Gibbs dresser was his cell phone, iPod and other gadgets McGee had taught him to use, items that Tony felt were invading the other man's territory, hadn't been invited to encroach upon, and any minute Gibbs was bound to notice, if he hadn't already, and come down on him for it.
Maybe he could distract him! "Yeah, trapped. You don't think so? You don't think we existed even a tiny bit before? The chemistry was all natural between the actors and nothing to do with us?" It was certainly as possible as his own theory, but Tony didn't like to see it that way at all. "What if they're straight?" Not having been online yet to check on Harmon and Weatherly, he had no information on their personal lives. "Why would they show, consciously or subconsciously, that level of connection between two men .... if it wasn't us doing it somehow?"
"Trapped. I dunno. Maybe the actors are dating. Maybe they're married to other people and are buddies. Maybe they enjoy getting a rise out of people. Maybe they're like us and they didn't know they were doing it. Don't know that it matters. They're not us...we're Gibbs and DiNozzo and we have a lifetime of memories. Maybe we were trapped there, inside the words..." Gibbs sighed heavily. "I just don't know, Tony. But what those guys are, they're probably Hollywood priss, not real men like us."
He swallowed hard. "And sometimes real men kiss and touch and even fuck each other. Doesn't change the fact that they're still real men, Tony." He assumed that was what Tony's biggest hangup was.
Gibbs eyes drifted over Tony's things, smiling briefly. At least the bedroom looked lived in now, in a way it hadn't with him alone.
Gibbs walked to the dresser, pulling out a pair of soft sweats that had to be Tony's. "You either put these on or I'm putting them on ya." Hell with what Tony wanted. Gibbs pushed him down with a hand to the chest, crouched down, and had the jeans unbuttoned and off before Tony could say a word. He yanked the sweats up to mid-thigh and then knelt there looking up at the other man. "I can continue pulling these up, if you can deal with my hand so close to that hard-on."
He breathed in the scent of Tony's musk and his cock throbbed urgently.
"I ... I can't deal with any of this!" the man screeched, completely unnerved that he scrambled over the other side of the bed, the sweats tangling his legs so that he fell off but was on his feet again in seconds. "I think me and my hard-on are sleeping in the spare room." Because if this keeps up, I'm gonna break down and suck yours dry.
He yanked up his sweats, accidentally catching the waistband on his aching balls and making him moan as he backed out of the room.
"Dammit, DiNozzo!" Gibbs closed his eyes against the flash of pain that Tony's leaving caused him. He sighed, getting up and grabbing his pillow. Kelly's room was still intact and he grabbed a blanket and went in there, imagining he could still feel his little girl's presence there. He curled up, fitting himself in the too short bed and closed his eyes, finally letting the despair and grief out in wracking sobs. He hadn't expressed this much emotion in years but this--all of it...
Losing his father when they were trying so hard....
Losing Abbs, Duck...even Tobias...
There weren't even graves for the family he knew any more.
And the way he'd run around trying to protect Tony from the truth, from himself. It was just all wearing on him and in the darkness of his mind, he gave in.
Wearing only those sweats now, Tony tossed and turned in the spare bedroom in trying to decide what to do. Bad ass Marines didn't want help. Leroy Jethro Gibbs didn't need help. Especially not fuckup goofball Tony's help. But then why did those cries reach down into his very heart and soul and drag him out of bed to the doorway? He was certain the man would reject him, would rather deal with his pain alone, unobserved, and could Tony blame him for that?
"Boss?" he whispered into the room, moving to kneel beside the small bed. "Gibbs?" he said a little louder in case those sobs blocked his quiet voice.
He felt the presence before he heard the voice but he couldn't stop the emotion pouring out of him in waves. "DiNozzo," he whispered, his voice ravaged by his emotions. He should have been mortified and ashamed of his loss of control but he was too weary to be. He was laid bare and if Tony couldn't handle it, Tony couldn't handle it. Gibbs couldn't protect him from the reality of their situation any more than he could protect himself.
At least Tony hadn't read lust into the expressions of the Gibbs on TV. He knew the man had been burning for DiNozzo, but did Tony?
Maybe subconsciously he had known back then, but it sure hadn't been read consciously and it sure hadn't been something he'd been capable of handling in that life either way. Seeing it that day on TV Gibbs in knowing what Thomas and others saw, however, made all the difference. Now he'd seen it much more clearly when he'd watched those tapes, now he couldn't deny it. There had been something, no doubt about it, and it appeared to him that the Gibbs of the TV had been trying his best to keep it under control. Had his boss been crushing on him?
Never having seen Gibbs so broken up, so completely lost, he reached over to bring him into his arms, wrapping himself fully around the exhausted man. "Jeth," he murmured. "I'm here, I'm here."
Gibbs hadn't felt like this in a long time, maybe not even since childhood. Definitely not since with Shan. He squeezed his eyes closed and let the emotion continue to pour out of him, shaking with the ferocity. For a man who had spent so many years denying and repressing, it was finally enough, he'd reached his limit. Yeah, he'd lost control before, in the dark of night, but he'd so rarely shared that with anyone.
He knew he should pull away, even as he sank deeper into the embrace. "Ah, DiNozzo," he whispered against the other man's chest.
"It's okay, it's gonna be okay," Tony said, though he didn't really believe it yet. "We're gonna be okay, we got each other so it's gonna be okay."
He settled them down on the floor with the blankets and pillow, facing each other but unable to see the tear-stricken face pressed against his bare chest. It wasn't really kisses he put in that gray hair under his chin, it was more silky word caresses in finding that he couldn't stop even if he wanted to. Tony continued to murmur to the man, and as his lips moved so softly so did his hands but firmer, rubbing back, shoulders and arms in a way meant to soothe and calm the ex-Marine, hopefully not arouse.
The adrenalin surge from earlier was gone and Tony was ready for sleep, but not until his friend did would he even consider leaving him and closing his eyes. He'd stay as long as it took.
This hadn't happened since he was a little boy and even though he knew he had to get it together soon, he relaxed into someone else's comfort. "Tony..." he whispered after less than five minutes, natural leader instincts taking control. "I'm okay now...Tony."
He let out a shuddery sigh, lifting his head, slightly ashamed now of his loss of control.
"Get back to bed, DiNozzo. It'll be okay." he patted Tony's back gently, telling him silently that he would be okay.
Those tear streaks couldn't be ignored now that he could fully see them. Nodding, Tony pressed thumbs gently down the line of both cheeks, wiping them away with a soft smile. "Walk you back to your room?" he offered. The thought of his friend and mentor sleeping on the floor of his child's room hurt in a way he never would have thought possible. It hurt much more than picturing him alone in his marriage bed.
Gibbs' stomach clenched and he shook his head. "Staying here tonight. Sometimes...I feel her presence. Nothing like a bond between daddy and little girl..." It was like losing them all over again and one choked sob slipped out before he clamped down on his emotions again. He covered Tony's hands with his own , thoroughly charmed by the way the other man was comforting him.
"Boss ..... I know I can't replace her, I'd never try ... but I've felt like Daddy's little boy for a long time around you, and you know I'd do anything for you ..... even watch all those shows again if you need to." Because Tony understood that without a gravesite to visit, Gibbs had nothing now but those tapes and this replica house. They were, besides his memory, his only link to the family he'd lost. Not surprisingly, Tony had no desire to link to his own family.
Gibbs ran a hand through Tony's hair and pulled his head close. "Just stay near, stay close, DiNozzo. Can't do this all on my own."
"As close as Tango and Cash, Ponch and Jon, Mulder and Scully .... Well maybe not Scully cuz she's a girl .... but she does have red hair," he chuckled, keeping his face right there so they were nose to nose, feeling more relaxed now with the man. "I know I said I'd do anything ... but hair dyeing I have to draw the line at."
Gibbs blinked, confused at Tony, but being confused was nothing new, not in this realm or his original one. He watched Tony carefully, wondering if he could push it. "Will go back to my bed. But only if I'm not alone..."
He wondered if Tony would give in. Gibbs knew he wouldn't sleep well if he was left to his thoughts and memories.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Now what do I do?!
He hated the thought of Gibbs sleeping in his dead daughter's bedroom, but he was sure he'd never get any sleep if he shared a bed with the man. And it wasn't just his homophobic fears that made him worry about that, it was his damn traitorous cock that was filling with lust even now!
"Okay .... but separate blankets."
The man honestly couldn't believe he said that.
Gibbs smiled faintly and nodded, standing and reaching his hand out to Tony. "Can do separate blankets. Not interested in anything but another presence to chase the pain away." Tony's chest was wet with his tears but Gibbs didn't dare touch it. "Come to bed, Tony, Nothin's gonna happen."
Trusting the man, Tony gave a brisk nod and took that hand to climb back to his feet. Wearing only those sweats, he felt very inadequately covered for what they were about to do, and as he moved rather stiffly with the man to that room, he was hyper-aware of the dampness upon him now in two places. He was leaking.
Gibbs tossed Tony a T-shirt when the entered the bedroom and stripped the blankets off the bed, handing the other man the comforter while he took the blanket he'd dragged into Kelly's room. Tony was reeking of lust and testosterone and Gibbs body started to stir but he ignored it. He leaned over, mussing Tony's hair. "Sleep, DiNozzo," he whispered before wrapping himself up in his blanket and stretching out on his stomach, adjusting his hard cock and stretching to crack his back before he snuggled down into his pillow.
"On it, Boss," Tony mumbled automatically and turned on his side away from the man after slipping into the t-shirt. That he tasted those tears first he would never admit, never.
He also couldn't stay on his side for long. It felt unnatural facing in that direction, though whether because it put more distance between them or because it left his backside vulnerable, he wasn't sure. He soon rolled onto his back, stretching an arm up above his head in frustration. His other hand went low, unable to ignore the sticky mess any longer and slipped as quietly as he could do it under the waistband of that soft cotton.
Closing his eyes he fought to see long hair and breasts, but the proximity, the scent, the body heat and sounds of the man next to him sabotaged every effort and he gave up that battle too, eventually letting his imagination take him away in picturing Gibbs instead. It definitely helped. Now he only had to be quiet about it. Very quiet in that sneaky self-pleasuring under the man's comforter, only a couple feet of space separating them on the king bed.
Gibbs coughed a couple of times to clear his sinuses. He was unused to crying and especially to being stuffed up. As he started to drift off, he felt Tony rustling then the sharp scent of pre-cum hit his nostrils. He lay perfectly can and still, listening to the rustle and feeling the minute changes in the bed as Tony moved. When Tony's breath hitched once, Gibbs knew what he was doing and his own tortured cock swelled even further. In this position it was trapped, sensitive underside against the mattress through his pajama pants and Gibbs clenched and released muscle groups, moving minutely, increasing the pleasure and pressure just enough.
But it wasn't enough, it couldn't be enough. The entire room smelled of Tony's arousal. Gibbs shifted slightly, moving his knee to the side so that he could reach down and play with himself. He moved his hand lower and waited a couple of minutes, listening to Tony;Tony's breathing before he started tracing his cock head, teasing himself.
For the moment, Gibbs was being stealthy enough so that Tony didn't hear him, too caught up in his own slow and careful touches. Because it was slow, because he was terrified of the other man finding out what he was doing in his bed, finding relief was a long way off and Tony knew what needed to be done. Thighs edged further apart, he flicked a glance at the figure next to him in the darkened room, and then he had a long thick index finger in his mouth, sucking it wetly so that it could be placed low and deep. Once he found the spot he couldn't hold back the low moan that brought with it more breath hitching and definitely more pre-cum. Now he'd soon find relief, and he readied himself to grab the comforter when necessary to keep from announcing it to the world when it came.
When Gibbs heard Tony's moan, his own breathing hitched. He'd heard Tony wetting his own hand, had figured what he was going to do. As much as he wanted to pin the other man down and take what they both needed, he was very aware of the way Tony would react and dammit he wanted it to be good for Tony. He gripped himself harder, stroking slowly. He'd lift his head and watch Tony climax and then he'd get off himself. But only when he was sure Tony was there.
That time Tony heard the man, and in a split second he deduced that Gibbs was doing the same thing, or almost the same thing. There were some things that even a sex-obsessed DiNozzo couldn't picture Gibbs doing. "You really don't think we're sick? You really think ..... this is natural?" he asked, his near tremulous voice sounding foreign even to him as he turned his face fully to look at the other man.
Tony didn't stop moving those hands. In fact, his knees lifted to bend as they had when he'd been drugged. Lifted and spread wider.
Gibbs stopped stroking then, giving himself a squeeze to settle himself down. He rolled onto his side, skinning his pants down "It's natural, Tony. Purely het guys do this all the time." Well, maybe not the way Tony was fucking his fingers into his ass, but the whole masturbation thing, yeah.
"Do whatever feels good. Bet that does." Bet my cock would feel even better. Gibbs took his own advice, fist twisting from base to head, his pre-cum lubricating the way. He wasn't a talker out of bed but he could be in bed. "Don't stop...Give in to it, Tony. Feels good, doesn't it."
Gibbs licked his lips, looking down at what Tony was doing. His mouth ached to suck Tony down, his cock burned with the need to be buried inside him. And it was only his self control that kept him from pouncing on Tony. DiNozzo was skittish enough. But Gibbs wanted him so damn bad.
"Feels a helluva lot better than doing it alone, yeah," he admitted, his breath coming in irregular little gasps now under the man's watchful gaze. "You said you'd seen ... in the Marines ...... So the het guys there what? Just stood around in a circle making bets who'd blow first on a typical Saturday night in the barracks?"
Tony was definitely a talker. Plus, it helped him to keep his eyes high, on Gibbs' shadowed face rather than sinking low and trapping him where he knew they really wanted to be on the man.
"Sometimes." Gibbs said. "Sometimes in the showers a couple guys would jack each other or themselves and others would watch and it'd just grow from there. Sometimes you'd hear two guys getting real close...fucking. Can't explain why it worked, Tony...but it did." He trailed a thumb over Tony's cheek, his other hand continuing to work on his swollen flesh. "It's okay to look. Or touch...or even lick and suck...and swallow. Flexible guy like you, bet you tried sucking yourself off."
Gibbs lowered his voice. "I was sixteen. I did. and I swallowed. Last time I wanted to taste." He left the 'before now' off for now.
There was a shiver, not from revulsion at the childhood memory but from that thumb on his cheek. "I didn't swallow." Tony whimpered, inching his body closer to Gibbs'. "Straight guys jacking each other ..... " He tried to wrap his head around it but kept coming up short. Looking? Maybe. But touching? Nuh uh. "Gibbs? Do your nipples ever ache so bad you just wanna beg the girl you're slamming to twist them right off?"
They were rock hard, his chest heaving with exertion now as climax approached.
"Acquired taste," Gibbs whispered, admitting that he had. "Yeah, sometimes..." He groaned low. "You want me to do that for ya, Tony? Cause I will, but you gotta ask." He shifted, thrusting into his hand a little. "Anything you need, I'll do..."
Tony closed his eyes. As much as he wanted to ask for the man's touch, he couldn't, at least not yet. It crossed a line in his mind, one that he knew if he crossed, there would be no going back. Anthony DiNozzo would set up house in Gayville with that asking, losing his old identity he'd worked so hard to create and was all that was left of his old life now. He wasn't ready for another change. He'd barely gotten through the first one.
When he opened his eyes, he looked right into the other man's and asked something that had been on his mind since watching those tapes. "You wanted honesty from me earlier, and I gave it, Boss. Will ya give me honesty now? I wanna know .... back then .... in our .... show ..... despite all the ladies in and out of our lives, did you ... did you want me? And if you did, Jesus Christ were you ever gonna say anything or just stalk me with your eyes the rest of our lives?"
Gibbs silently begged Tony to break but he wouldn't touch unless invited, despite what they were doing, how close they were becoming.
Then Tony locked eyes with him and asked the question and Gibbs began speaking. "I did this every opportunity I could, picturing you," he said in a raspy, needy tone. "And me. Us. almost said something right after you saved Maddie and me. Went to your house. Thought you might...reject me."
He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. "Couldn't lose you in my life, even if it meant I had to wait, or never have at all."
His eyes drifted down Tony's body and he licked his lips before looking back up and staring into DiNozzo's gaze. When the next words came, he couldn't stop the flood. "Not only want. Need."
He'd been wanted by the man. He'd been needed by the man. Gibbs had almost told him, and what would Tony have done if he had back then? Having never considered that sort of lifestyle, he honestly didn't know. But now, things were different. Despite feeling like an animal in a zoo, he felt more free than he'd ever felt in his life. His thoughts, his actions, his desires and dreams were entirely his own, and it almost made him giddy to understand that now.
With that giddiness came relief and joy Gibbs had wanted him! Gibbs had needed him! All those redheads and he'd been silently chasing an oblivious Tony!
The man grinned, bucked as climax hit him, and grabbed hold of his superior, pressing their bodies together in the throes of that physical and mental relief his badly-battered ego had so needed to hear. He even kissed him.
Gibbs immediately wrapped his hands around both of their cocks, grinding against Tony, using Tony's cum to lubricate them both. And when Tony sealed his mouth to Gibbs', he tensed a minute, hovering on the edge before he exploded, growling out his need into the mouth that was eagerly fucking his, dragging the tongue tangling with his into his mouth. Gibbs rocked his hips over Tony's body, dragging their balls together, still hard cocks rubbing against the other. They were soaked in cum but it felt so damn right and Gibbs slid off Tony to clean him in long sweeps of his mouth, tasting their combined flavors.
It should have been impossible for a man his age, but he was still rock hard, still aching. Tasting Tony was an exercise in self control, it was as if Gibbs hadn't jacked off in months. With one final lick of Tony's reddened cock head, Gibbs moved upward again, touching Tony's nose with his.
"Amazing," he whispered to the other man.
"Jesus fucking Christ," Tony panted under him, wide-eyed with shock. Blowing with the man had been amazing, but when Gibbs had cleaned him, that long wide tongue lapping over his very sensitive flesh, Tony had almost blown again. No girl had made his dick stay so hard after being drained. No girl had used her mouth on him with such fervor, and dare he think it .... sincerity in wanting to do such a thing?
This was the part where he was supposed to roll over and sleep, only holding the girl if she really acted like she needed it. Was he supposed to hold Gibbs now? Was Gibbs supposed to hold him now?
The pressure of not knowing what to do now made Tony blink, his heart speeding up again despite the last of those orgasmic tremors disappearing. "I .... I gotta piss," he lied.
"No, ya gotta clean off," Gibbs shot back. He stood, dragging a mellow Tony to the bathroom and ran some warm water in the sink. He took a soft facecloth and moistened it, cleaning the dregs of their combined semen off Tony's body and then his own, taking special care to wash the hand of Tony's that had been doing the deep stimulation. When he was done, Gibbs dried them both gently, patting the moisture away rather than running the risk of gearing then up more than they already were. They were both still damn hard, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. Except sink to his knees and suck Tony off. God, the images of that hardened him even further, one drop of pre-cum seeping out. Milking that off...feeding it to Tony...
He wanted Tony to taste him almost as much as he hungered to swallow Tony's load.
"Since you don't have the balls to ask, here's what happens next. We go to bed.Lie there however we're comfortable. And we sleep. No strings, no expectations. Gonna sleep on my stomach. You wanna sleep close, you can, but not expecting or demanding."
"You don't think I have balls?" That brought Tony out of his post-orgasm stupor. "Yeah, I'm gonna sleep, Gibbs. I'm gonna sleep like a baby now. Thanks." He wasn't sure why he added the thanks at the end. Was it sarcastic? Perhaps somewhat. Was it also sincere in gratitude for what they'd shared? Definitely.
But gratitude or not, he had his balls and he was showing them as he stomped out of the bathroom and right out of the bedroom. He'd sleep like a baby in the spare room. At least he could hope he would.
So he'd been used. Figured. "Welcome," he called back in that bitterly sarcastic voice that seemed to be his only friend when they used him and left him. He made a point of slamming his door shut as he stormed back into Kelly's room, dragging blanket and pillow with him. He'd stay in the room of the one person who had never used him, who had loved him as "Daddy".
'Love you, Kel," he whispered, fitting himself back into the twin bed. "You and your mom are the only ones..." A rush of guilt hit him at what he'd done. Didn't matter that they didn't exist. They were in his heart and his mind and he had to remain loyal to their memories. "Won't happen again," he silently vowed. He wasn't gonna be DiNozzo's fool again.
And Tony was convinced he didn't need someone in order to sleep. He was convinced he had the balls necessary to sleep alone no matter how much he wanted to be with Gibbs. He was convinced he had to prove that to the man, that it was some sort of test now, that if he didn't, he'd be seen as weak, incompetent, and definitely not a man. Making Gibbs proud of him, feeling worthy of Gibbs, was far more important than his own need to be held in those strong arms for the night. He had to prove it to himself and he had to prove it to Gibbs that he could do it. That he was strong. That even as a clone he still had balls.
He had no idea that the Marine had taken it very differently.
When the dreams started this time, they were much more hazy, less specific. Images of his past, women he'd loved, women he'd hated, men he'd loved, men he'd hated. Assignments ran together, one minute he was an agent on a case, the next minute he was a boy hiding from an alcoholic father and overbearing mother. Gibbs kept popping up in the dream. Watching Gibbs, talking to Gibbs, riding with Gibbs and being slapped by Gibbs. It was the last face in the dream that woke him, though. That face would probably haunt him for years now.
Tony DiNozzo was the one strapped in a chair about to have his nuts snipped, and the muzzle on his face kept him from screaming the one word he needed to scream, he had to scream, or in seconds he would have nothing left, he would no longer be Tony DiNozzo.
"BOSS!" Upright in bed, nude body covered in sweat, eyes open but unseeing he shrieked again. "BOOOOOOSS!"
Fuck! Gibbs reached for his gun only to realize he didn't have it, but moved rapidly toward DiNozzo's voice anyway. He threw the door open, barely holding back the urge to announce himself as a federal officer but then breathed a sigh of relief. DiNozzo seemed okay.
"TONY!" he called out, trying to inject calmness into his voice. "Hey, DiNozzo. Wake up. You're okay. It's just Gibbs here and you're safe with me."
"DAD!" Tony, still unseeing but definitely hearing that voice, leapt from the bed and fell into Gibbs. "I don't wanna sleep alone! I can't do it, Boss! He's gonna take my nuts too! I'm sorry I'm a failure! I can't be strong like you! I'm not like you! I can't pass this test, Boss! I can't do it cuz I don't wanna sleep alone even if it makes me a baby now in your eyes!"
Gibbs held Tony in a solid bear hug and dragged him back to the bedroom, settling him under the cover. "Not a failure. Never a failure. Proud of you, Tony. It's okay...you're okay."
Gibbs kissed the top of Tony's head, every protective instinct rearing up inside him. "Sleep here in my arms. Nothing's gonna happen. Nobody's gonna hurt my boy."
My boy.
Those were the last two words the terrified man heard before he fell back to sleep again. This time he stayed there, clutching to the solid body around him and finding what he needed on a Harmon thumb for further soothing. Occasionally he'd grunt softly in that suckling as tears crept out of closed eyes upon the man's chest, but for the most part Tony slept soundly, the nightmares kept at bay ..... for now.
(TBC)
Tags: