taylorgibbs | Fandom rocks--a personal ramble.

So...any of you who read my journal know that I rarely do personal posts here. There isn't really a reason for it beyond the fact that when things are good, I'm writing up a storm, and when things aren't, I'm usually very very quiet.

But I guess I'm bucking that trend here :)

Today is a milestone birthday for me--a new decade and all that. It is the same decade my dad was in when he died, and my mom was in when she was given only a few months to live (FYI, mom has been cancer free for nearly 20 years). While I'm not at all upset about getting older, it does have me rather thoughtful about the changes in my life in not only the last ten years, but also and specifically in the last year.

When I was a child, I made a list of life goals. They were all "to do" by 30. They were: Meet Mark Harmon, publish a book, get married, travel overseas (preferably to England or Australia). I didn't get *all* of these accomplished by age 30, but as I cross the line from 30s to 40, they all have big shiny checkmarks by them. I don't think I'm doing too badly.

Last year, my birthday was a rather low time in my life. My husband had been aggressively recruited by a company, only to be laid off five months later. His health was in the toilet, as was mine. Finances, emotional health, physical health were all at a low. I'd had to cancel a surgery that my docs had told me might save my life. Things seemed pretty hopeless. And for the first time in my life, I found myself unable to write. Days passed when I would stare at a blank page in MS word fighting off tears. Whatever has happened in life, I have *always* had writing to fall back on.

But not then. I think it was nearly five months before I could write a word.

What a difference a year makes!

DH was aggressively recruited by a very small company, and he's been with them for eleven months. He can telecommute, his boss adores him, and it is a great working environment. Dh and I bought a house a couple of months ago and moved in a few weeks back. We love the place more and more every day. And that surgery? I had it in August and am so much healthier. And I'm writing again, both pro work and fanfic.

So while I am entering my forties, I have to say, I don't have a real lot to complain about.

Last year, the highlight of my week basically was Obsession, a NCIS episode with mucho Tony goodness, including the basement scene at the end.

This year? NCIS outdid themselves with Baltimore. What an amazing episode! As if things weren't already progressing well in many facets of life, this was a little extra gift :)

Then, as I went to bed, I started getting a flurry of birthday messages in email and on Twitter. One directed me to go to this link: http://spoonyriffic.livejournal.com/63695.html I must have sat there and stared for a good five minutes, tears running down my face. I cannot even put into words how touched I am (and trust me, I've been trying to write this post all day). I just can't find the words...beyond thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Birthdays are *not* a big deal in my family. I'm not exaggerating when I say I reached 40 without a party or a piece of birthday cake.

Until now, that is!!! THANK YOU :)

Fandom has been such a blessing to me. When things were at their darkest and I couldn't even put any of the stresses into words, fandom buddies were there with a kind word, even though they had *no* idea what was going on. See, I'm the sort of person that when things eget bad, I pull the covers over my head emotionally and don't let on what is going on. So though you folks had no idea, you took so much of the stress away by giving me that outlet last year.

And you've continued to do so with tweets, and emails, and LJ posts and fic, and icons. With friendship and laughs and shared frustration. Though good days, fandom brings my mood higher, and in bad days, fandom is a very welcomed break from stress.

It has been so wonderful getting to meet online friends in person over the last eighteen months or so, and I reallly, truly hope my offline path crosses with many more of you.

Thank you for being so wonderful :)

Current Mood: thankful

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Date: 2011-05-04 09:27 pm (UTC)

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